Driverless cars

Are no doubt the future, as are electric vehicles. We must accept that fact and get used to the idea, but, with driverless cars the question remains as to who is ultimately responsible in case of an accident – or incident. The driver who is technically a passenger but could be deemed to be in charge of the vehicle, or the vehicle technology company?

Now, let’s assume it’s the driver that’s responsible. This means minimal drinking and driving is allowed based on current legislation here in the UK. So, what’s the point? We can’t go out and have a good night, can we? On the plus side, if we were slightly over the limit our driving ought to be perfect so shouldn’t arouse suspicion.

Assuming it’s the car technology that is responsible, then we can go and have a few more drinks than planned. This is great news; or bad news if you are a taxi driver!

But, one driver gets away with drink driving every year! In fact, he’s been doing this ever since I can remember and I’m slightly over 25! He has autopilot on his vehicle plus the route remains almost the same most years.  The crazy thing is, we even encourage this behaviour!

Father Christmas drinks and drives every year and never ever gets caught! How many times have you seen a sleigh weaving across the night sky on Christmas eve? Even Norrad’s Santa Tracker is behind and can’t really track Father Christmas in real time; so if they can’t catch him, who can?

Across the world, let’s assume around 1 Billion households celebrate Christmas, and assuming all put out at least an average 25ml drink. That equates to 25 million litres of alcohol. Or to make it easier to envisage, 14.2 million pints, or 18.75 million bottles of wine. Whether that’s red or white wine I don’t know, but I guess it doesn’t really matter.

What does matter is that Father Christmas is encouraged to drink and drive. But he does have a few reindeer helping him and they know the way, don’t they? Now, what would happen if there was an incident where Father Christmas crashed? Who would be responsible? Can’t blame Brexit or Covid on this one!  Nor BoJo or Trump no matter how hard you might want to. Would we blame the reindeer? If so, what would their punishment be? Ban for a year – that would cause serious issues for 1 Billion families. We can’t even turn them into steaks even though reindeer steaks are nice, but these ones are rather old now so could be a bit tough! And all those songs would be ruined! No more Rudolph, Dancer, Prancer etc etc.  What about Father Christmas? If he can’t travel, how on earth can all those presents get delivered? Could we trust those little elves? Not from what I’ve seen of Elf’s on a shelf we can’t. Blooming nutters they are!

I suppose we could put out non-alcoholic beverages. Nah!! Only joking! Or low alcohol beer – which actually gives me serious wind. Don’t want Farter Christmas coming down the chimney do we – ho ho ho phhhhhhrt! Imagine that! No, we won’t.

What about the sleigh? If we can find out who made it may be, we could blame them! Or, how about using drones to deliver if Father Christmas is way too inebriated?  Takes the fun out of it a bit.

I guess, ultimately, we must accept that Father Christmas is always going to drink and drive and that we must let him. Coppers around the world will just have to turn a blind eye.

But, don’t get caught drunk in any type of car, driverless or otherwise, else  you will be banged up wishing your soap was on a rope when dropped it in the prison shower!

Happy Christmas!